Me
I took a much needed break from Rexburg by going with mom to Salt Lake City, Utah. Trip down went well. Trip back is different story. It was nice to see my family I have not seen for long time. For once I am not offended of being outsider. Ever since
Interruption
I have no freaking clue to why this cat decided to climb into my dirty laundry basket and sniff around. Yes I know I have a smell that all animals love. However, I'm okay being sniffed. As long the clothes is on me. Not in the mood having MORE hair before they are being washed. Thank you, cat. I will do my best to find my smell then make it a mouse toy full of my smell so you can just get high from it and stay away from my clothes.
ANYWAYS, Ever since I took psychology classes, I no longer just observe the behavior and questioning why it affects me. I learned how to be empirical. It is very nice and I felt more peace. Just being in my family's presence is good enough for me and watching them interact with each other. I find it nice. And more tolerance for them. However this does not mean I want to have children of my own.
The highlight of it all is visiting with Brittany. She and her service dog came over. It was so wonderful seeing her. I still glad to have her as wonderful best friend. She managed to wear out Amber for two days ha ha! I was sad that Aubrey was busy that day. No matter, I still aim to try again.
Cabin Fever
Ugh, as the end of semester nears, I ache to play around or something. I feel like I'm slowly killing myself. I now have harder time doing my homeworks and not put it off. WOW at least I lasted for 3 whole months. Maybe I now am going through depression. No idea.
Church
I am looking for different ward to join in. People acts like I'm quitting church for good. Yeah culture clash at this one. I got to laugh my head off. Really? One person leaving one ward to another is gonna have domino affects? This ward is gonna fall apart now? I think not. Lord always provide for us.
Lord
As I has slowly forgotten Lord,Lord has blessed me to remember him again by blessing me. Today has shown me that. I still stand on having education with gospel. You can't learn new things and block Lord out. Life doesn't work that way. Lord is showing me how I can. I wondered how because this is not my habit and really, it is hard to apply Lord in math. But I have decided that this will bless me if I do so. I am glad that Lord take care of us. He has made promise to Israel. As long He is OUR Lord, everything is taken care of. Another promise between Him and me is this, as long as I am obedience, everything will be taken care of. I am learning to believe in His words. Things He say to us personally is true and not vague. He does always answer our questions. ALWAYS. But of course, His time not ours. His will, not ours. My heart is full because I love learning new things of Lord with my life. I do not know why I'm inspired to major psychology and it took alot of work to have faith in Him. I still believe in Him. Do you? Have you heard Him today? Did you set aside of time to hear Him? Satan tells us we are too busy to stop and ponder what Lord could be teaching us. Clever Satan he is. But we have power to override what satan says and turn to Lord and ask Him what He wants to tell us.
Well, I gotta go bed. Night ya'll.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Dear Family
School
I am doing well! As the semester comes near to end, the stress also decreases. Weird I know. I only have one big assignment and presentation left then two finals to study for. One is comprehensive and another is last few chapters. As far as I see, this semester will do well. I'm nervous about next semester though. I now have 3 hard classes and 2 light classes. Am I ready for it? I hope so. This semester I had learn how to study in right way and being ahead so I won't feel overwhelmed with school and drowning. I have to say I am proud of myself this semester. I need to pat myself on back. I have found that passing the tests no longer thrills me. I am told that I need to reward myself every time I did well. I use that to go work with horses. AH! The smell of horses brings me happiness. It prevents me from being burnt out and relaxes me. If I ever get depression, I need a horse. Of course Amber helps. But she's more of hearing dog than emotional dog for me.
Amber
She's gonna be shaved soon!! La La LA! Can't wait. I have not able to decide how I'm gonna shave her. Number 10? #7? #5? Or trimming? Hmmmm. Can't decide, can't decide. Nothing fun to say about her life so far. She's complaining about my apt being hot and I got to say I agree with her. Sadly no AC. UGH. But my roomie perfer that way. She thinks 90 is warm and 70 freezing.
My roomie
We fight over my hormones and temperature in our apt. We are learning. You could say that God placed us together to practice our companionship skills. We drive each other batty. One thing I love about her though, she allows me to have my space. She has kept her promise and that I'm grateful. I had thought of moving out but thinking about other apt with more than one roommates scared me off. Luckily Lord blessed me with different option. I will have to go and do research on that. Oh I had fun trimming her cats' front paws. Its so funny to watch the cats trying to jump onto things by their claws and scramble when their reliable claws are taken away.
Doctor
Oh snap! I forgot to ask mom to do few things. School is my first priority. I will soon take progesterone challenge test by taking pill for 7 days then or if my period hits (that's means I'm supposed to have menstrual every 3 months) I'm supposed to spit into vials and freeze them. When done with that, I will have to mail it before 1pm. Then doctor and I will discussed what's going on with my body. Finally I found a doctor who is honest and upfront with me. I test them by asking them questions to see how they answer. I felt good with this doctor. I also had to fix my medicaid insurance. This doctor will also check if I have what Uncle elwood has. Hopefully not but we'll see right?
HORSES
I may transport Lucky out to west. And place him with other horses for 100 each month for his rent. I'm so excited for I missed him so much. And I am so glad that I get to work with horses each week. It is so much fun and I could just stay all day and do anything with horses. Finally found someone who loves same breeds as I do. Not common for TWH breeds. *sighs* I'm so excited.
Rexburg
Winter has been tough. It was slow and dragging with school. Now spring is on way and sun is shining longer. I now can explore the town once again. This makes me wish for a car. It drives me batty. Rexburg is hidden surprise. Good ol history buried underneath all the newcomers. Love it! Learning the pasts and melting pots of new and old. Some things ridiculous and some things precious but forgotten forever.
Dating online
I have joined in mormondating.org I did it for fun. Not for reals. Those of you who are panicking and wondering if this girl is experiencing personal fables. I am not. I still believe in traditional dating despite of the dimness of that ever happening. I have also witnessed online dating influences on others. I have already decided that before I signed up, how I want to date. I want to date in mom's days and Brysha's days. However I do have to admit this site makes me laugh. All the boys chasing after me because of my picture. Just a face shot. And no matter what I say, they all take it positively. Oh well, at least I can say I'm beautiful bc someone told me cyber-wise.
Having mom in town
Despite living close to mom, we hardly chat as much. I rarely see her. Or spend more time with them. Funny, people has told me that they prefer me single. Apparently I'm more fun as single than being married. Okay...that does not make sense to me because I have never been married so what are they basing their facts on?
I have noticed that the more I am around people the more mean I am. Makes me feel little bit psychopath. I'm using more psychology terms. They are different than what society thinks they mean. Now I understand why I like to isolate myself with animals because it keeps me in control and less cynical. My hands has been itching to attack and manipulate someone vulnerable. I am not sure how to overcome this. My old way of coping is no longer available. ANy suggestions? I doubt it.
I am doing well! As the semester comes near to end, the stress also decreases. Weird I know. I only have one big assignment and presentation left then two finals to study for. One is comprehensive and another is last few chapters. As far as I see, this semester will do well. I'm nervous about next semester though. I now have 3 hard classes and 2 light classes. Am I ready for it? I hope so. This semester I had learn how to study in right way and being ahead so I won't feel overwhelmed with school and drowning. I have to say I am proud of myself this semester. I need to pat myself on back. I have found that passing the tests no longer thrills me. I am told that I need to reward myself every time I did well. I use that to go work with horses. AH! The smell of horses brings me happiness. It prevents me from being burnt out and relaxes me. If I ever get depression, I need a horse. Of course Amber helps. But she's more of hearing dog than emotional dog for me.
Amber
She's gonna be shaved soon!! La La LA! Can't wait. I have not able to decide how I'm gonna shave her. Number 10? #7? #5? Or trimming? Hmmmm. Can't decide, can't decide. Nothing fun to say about her life so far. She's complaining about my apt being hot and I got to say I agree with her. Sadly no AC. UGH. But my roomie perfer that way. She thinks 90 is warm and 70 freezing.
My roomie
We fight over my hormones and temperature in our apt. We are learning. You could say that God placed us together to practice our companionship skills. We drive each other batty. One thing I love about her though, she allows me to have my space. She has kept her promise and that I'm grateful. I had thought of moving out but thinking about other apt with more than one roommates scared me off. Luckily Lord blessed me with different option. I will have to go and do research on that. Oh I had fun trimming her cats' front paws. Its so funny to watch the cats trying to jump onto things by their claws and scramble when their reliable claws are taken away.
Doctor
Oh snap! I forgot to ask mom to do few things. School is my first priority. I will soon take progesterone challenge test by taking pill for 7 days then or if my period hits (that's means I'm supposed to have menstrual every 3 months) I'm supposed to spit into vials and freeze them. When done with that, I will have to mail it before 1pm. Then doctor and I will discussed what's going on with my body. Finally I found a doctor who is honest and upfront with me. I test them by asking them questions to see how they answer. I felt good with this doctor. I also had to fix my medicaid insurance. This doctor will also check if I have what Uncle elwood has. Hopefully not but we'll see right?
HORSES
I may transport Lucky out to west. And place him with other horses for 100 each month for his rent. I'm so excited for I missed him so much. And I am so glad that I get to work with horses each week. It is so much fun and I could just stay all day and do anything with horses. Finally found someone who loves same breeds as I do. Not common for TWH breeds. *sighs* I'm so excited.
Rexburg
Winter has been tough. It was slow and dragging with school. Now spring is on way and sun is shining longer. I now can explore the town once again. This makes me wish for a car. It drives me batty. Rexburg is hidden surprise. Good ol history buried underneath all the newcomers. Love it! Learning the pasts and melting pots of new and old. Some things ridiculous and some things precious but forgotten forever.
Dating online
I have joined in mormondating.org I did it for fun. Not for reals. Those of you who are panicking and wondering if this girl is experiencing personal fables. I am not. I still believe in traditional dating despite of the dimness of that ever happening. I have also witnessed online dating influences on others. I have already decided that before I signed up, how I want to date. I want to date in mom's days and Brysha's days. However I do have to admit this site makes me laugh. All the boys chasing after me because of my picture. Just a face shot. And no matter what I say, they all take it positively. Oh well, at least I can say I'm beautiful bc someone told me cyber-wise.
Having mom in town
Despite living close to mom, we hardly chat as much. I rarely see her. Or spend more time with them. Funny, people has told me that they prefer me single. Apparently I'm more fun as single than being married. Okay...that does not make sense to me because I have never been married so what are they basing their facts on?
I have noticed that the more I am around people the more mean I am. Makes me feel little bit psychopath. I'm using more psychology terms. They are different than what society thinks they mean. Now I understand why I like to isolate myself with animals because it keeps me in control and less cynical. My hands has been itching to attack and manipulate someone vulnerable. I am not sure how to overcome this. My old way of coping is no longer available. ANy suggestions? I doubt it.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Dear Family
School
I am doing well. I have b's and a's. I like school alot but lately I am finding myself distracted. I am not sure if I'm bored or someone in outerdarkness does not want to me to do well in school. One semester almost down despite lots of frustrations and struggles.
Life
I quit being sociable. People irritates me and I just have no refill of energy to deal with them. To keep me from being burnt out from being busy in school, I go once to two times weekly to work with horses. I love it! It gives me energy and peace. It really helps with my stress. I have been sick for almost 3 and half weeks. Been on antibiotic for while and today is my first day of feeling better. Finally is all I can say. Hometeachers has been real helpful this month. I need to give them thank you card. I have not always been nice to them but I am slowly warming up to them.
Amber
I bought Kentucky bluegrass seeds and planted them in pot last week. Finally I am seeing shoots. Amber will be happy to have some grass to eat. She is doing wonderful. I finally found her favorite toy that I lost on the move inside the Cal-Ranch store. I bought it and she has kept it with her eversince. My friend's dog have OCD with laser. Amber took 2 balls. One for bedtime and another for daytime. How sad is that? What makes those balls so special? They squeaks LOUD.
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